Don't they go by in a blink?

Vivienne is officially 16 months old as of yesterday. That is the same age as Barrett when she was BORN. Gulp. Here is a picture of the two of them: Vivienne 16 months, Barrett 32 months (2 years,10 months).

It's wild to think Vivienne could have been the "big" sister today, had she been in B's shoes. It certainly adds a lot of perspective. She seems like a total b-a-b-y to me. Heck, we still call her Baby half the time. Maybe it's time to start treating her like the big girl. Ouch. Why does that make me sad?
 

 Here's Barrett as he was officially 16 months and a "big" brother for all of 3 days. I remember thinking he was such a toddler. I even went out and bought the kid a twin bed. Poor lil guy!

Here's Barrett & Vivienne days before she came into the world.

Time is going so fast. It feels like trying to hold a fistful of dry sand. For a moment, it seems like possible, but slowly it's easy to see it is escaping our grip, no matter how tight we hold on. 

Barrett, Vivienne, if you ever read this, please know: you are loved, you matter, you are a treasure, you are important, you belong (and will always) to me and your daddy!

Women's Retreat Weekend

This weekend I went on another retreat (second one in a month). While I wrestled with some pretty serious mommy-guilt, I learned, I grew spiritually and I noticed I was a better mom and wife today.

The retreat was with the women of Willow (my church) and the topic was on deepening our desires and listening to what our heart longs for. We had an inspirational speaker who helped me to see the ache in our hearts is something we all experience and it is sacred.

I was reminded that we all long to be loved, to matter, to make a difference, to leave a legacy, and at times that can be painful because it is something that is not intended to be fulfilled on earth. We were programed to long for heaven. Ecclesiastes 3:11 says, "He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end."

I was so happy to know I wasn't the only one. I am not completely broken. I felt validated that we're supposed to not be satisfied now. It's normal to feel incomplete. It's normal to feel unsatisfied. In fact, it's actually more than normal, it's God's design. That hunger to have a bigger house, bigger ring, bigger car, more kids, more money, more friends, more vacations...it's not wrong, but it's going in the wrong direction. That energy and longing is supposed to be directed toward God. And, I really won't be fully satisfied until I am home.

What really stood out to me was the important marriage of God and psychology. If I want a quality relationship with God, I need to develop a quality relationship with myself. Because we won't be fully satisfied until heaven, we are left to experience God's love through others and myself.

This was my AHA! moment. So.....THAT is why I am so drawn to the pursuit of personal growth. THAT is why I feel so spiritually connected when I'm with people who are expressing truth in love, safety, community. THAT is why I am following the path I am following of being a Life Coach. I want more connection to myself, to God and I want to give that type of love and connection to the people in my life.  

Quiz Bowl

Last night we hosted the "15th Annual Northbrook Youth Commission Quiz Bowl." It's this Jeopardy-like game where 5 Junior High teams compete against each other.

I read the rules to the students and parents...with a microphone. When I was little it was my biggest dream to talk or sing into a real microphone. I had one even hooked up to our stereo in the living room. So I'm here to tell you, dreams do come true.

But, it was more like reading out loud to the class. When I was done, I didn't have the slightest clue what I had just said. Hopefully the kids got a better picture of the game. I was so glad I wasn't playing!

Here are the kids lined up right before we got started. It's hard to tell, but we are in the Northbrook Village Hall where the Board has their meetings. It is like mini Supreme Court land. My knees knock when ever I walk in that room. And these little guys were so brave!

They each sat up behind the wooden bench, with a name plaque and microphone and answered (in my opinion) ridiculously hard questions!

I can assure you, after this quiz bowl, I am most certainly NOT smarter than a 5th grader, or 6th, 7th or 8th for that matter. These students were seriously impressive with their intellect. I sat back and thought, wow, these select few really could be the leaders of tomorrow. I bet I'll be seeing some as my doctor, accountant, etc. in a few years. Really.

I love being part of the Youth Commission. It makes me feel young to be around High School and Junior High students. I see how much potential they have with their future and almost every exciting thing of life (college, getting engaged, first jobs, first babies, first homes) all still sitting in their future, rather than rear view mirror. It brings me a new sense of energy and aliveness.

Interestingly, I have also started to work with some High Schoolers in my coaching practice and it equally engages me. It is becoming a new niche and it wasn't part of my grand plan.

It's interesting to see how my life is unfolding. I don't feel like I've carved out a clear path for myself, but rather I am following bread crumbs laid down for me. The more I follow, the more it starts to make sense. Whether or not you believe in God, or a higher power or whatever, I can tell you this. It feels like someone is hard at work in my life laying down a path, giving me clues, almost like a scavenger hunt. To me, I can't explain it in any other way than just simply God. So onward I go!

Couples Retreat

Last weekend John and I went on our annual couples retreat with CLE (stands for Center for Christian Life Enrichment which is the counseling center where we do all our couples therapy, mens/womens groups, etc.) It was such a fun adventure away from reality. We drive up to this old Catholic boarding school in Wisconsin. Instantly, I feel like I'm in another world. It's like I can feel the people who have walked the halls before me. But not in a scary, ghost way, more like that moment with Robin Williams in "Dead Poets Society" when they're staring into the black & white photo of the boys who had gone ahead of them.

Here's our room (this was at the end, I usually keep it more tidy. Grr, I knew it would bug me that I had my bag on the bed.). No TV, no phones, no computers, two twin beds and homemade meals by the little women running the building. It's really simple. A lot like camp for adults.

I just love this moment. John was having coffee sitting on the end of the bed looking out the window as he was waiting for me to get ready. Right out the window you could see the lake, evergreen trees, snow, ice, other stone buildings and the sunrise.

My favorite part  was this little old window with the 100-year-old curtains.

I went into the weekend thinking John and I were great. I almost felt like we wouldn't have anything to "work on." It didn't take long to find a few areas that we could grow. It was really cool to learn how important it is for us to grow as individuals so that we can grow as a couple. One of our goals was to learn something we didn't know about each other. I thought it was close to impossible, but we both did. It amazes me that I'm still getting to know John after almost 9 years of marriage. It amazes me even MORE that I'm still getting to know myself after 30 years.

This week after I notice I'm sad as I miss the community of other couples, the safe quiet room that transcended us back hundreds of years, the old wooden stairs and most of all, that time with John. Time just seems to be slipping away. It's moments and weekends like these that really help to slow ... the....time...down. It felt like we got to stand still together for a moment, and that is enough for me. My love for John continues to grow and amaze me. My heart is full.     

PS -- A HUMONGOUS THANKS to my Mother-in-law and sister-in-law for watching the kids. Not only did my MIL drive 8 hours to come watch them, but she came with toys like Santa on Christmas. I couldn't have had my experience unless I knew the kids were in good hands. I honestly didn't worry about them much at all.

Valentines Day

Picture Says It All

This picture pretty much sums it up. Life has been a blur lately. Here we're doing family wrestling on the bed. So normal, right? We're learning to cram in happy moments where ever we can as life seems to be flying by. 

Sometimes we're all happy. Sometimes someone's crying (usually me as it is has been an emotional and hormonal week, which is okay!), sometimes we're fighting. But through it all, we're family. And that's enough to fill my cup.

 

I've been spending a lot of time to get my Life Coaching practice up and running. I'm giving a talk at the Northbrook Public Library on "The Power of Positivity" March 1, along with other seminars last month and this week at Teddie Kossof. 

I constantly have a running voice in my head that says: 

"I need to _____" or "I really should _____" Remember to add ____ to your to-do list" "Email back _____" Call back_____" Text back ______"

Balancing work and mom-time is tough! I'm learning a lot. Mostly, I'm learning that I'm alive when I'm in my coaching role. I love speaking. I love listening. I love learning. I am a better mom for leaving the house. I am a better wife for tending to myself. I have more to give and I'm looking for ways to pepper in more positivity.