Happy 1st Birthday, Dear Vivienne....

In labor, 38.5 weeks pregnant, (4.5 cm dilated) headed to the hospital October 28, 2010 around 6:30 p.m.

 Admitted for labor! (5 cm dilated, 100% effaced), walking around the lobby with John, my pillar of strength and still my biggest crush, to get things "going"

 Headed into the transition phase of labor. The labor tub was aaaahhh-mazing. It was so relaxing and helped ease the tension of the contractions. Note, this is the last of the labor pictures. Once I got to 7 cm, things got ... hmm...let's just say a bit more "intense" but I didn't care what was happening because I was so grateful I was able to do a natural birth without any pain management again.

 My baby girl is born! October 28, 2010 at 11:37 pm. Just minutes before midnight...when her birthday would have been October 29. I must say I was happy because I thought 10-28-10 was a cool birthday. I'm really into numbers.

In awe of our tiny baby. I still wonder how that was in my belly. 

1 year later. 

Vivienne Mae Schifferdecker

October 28, 2011 at 8:00 a.m. 

We all came in and sang Happy Birthday to her in her crib, just like we did for Barrett on his 1st birthday. Only this time we brought a little candle to blow out. She was overjoyed! As we all are, that she is here in our lives. I am utterly in love with this girl. She has a sparkling spirit that brightens people around her. Love. 

"I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him. So now I give her to the Lord. For her whole life she will be given over to the Lord." 

1 Samuel 1:27-28 

*I changed "him" to "her" for my purposes here...

I miss it...

This time last year, I was 38 weeks pregnant. It was the eve of Vivienne's birthday, and I didn't even know it. Here's a picture I took of myself with Barrett. What a sweet little nugget. He was 16 months old and already felt like a "big boy" around our house.

Naturally, I've been thinking a lot about Vivienne's birth this week. I had gestational diabetes so everything was kept pretty exciting with multiple trips to doctors offices, stress tests, monitoring my sugar, insulin, etc. all with one thought in mind: this baby was coming, and coming quick!

With all the stress of having gestational diabetes and the physical strain from carrying and chasing a toddler, I never thought I'd say this but.......

I miss being pregnant.

I miss the buzz and excitement as I got close to the "end." I actually miss people asking "have you had the baby yet?" I miss the trips to the doctors office. I miss the quiet walks with Barrett bundled up in the morning to keep my blood sugar down. I miss the hospital gown. I miss the labor. I miss the birth tub, the pain, the sweat, tears.

I keep replaying that moment when they handed me Vivienne for the first time. She came at me with her little chicken wings spread apart almost reaching for me. I miss the little hats and the universal hospital swaddle blanket. I miss the smell of the new baby mixed with the hyper-clean hospital.  I miss that moment of seeing John hold his new baby in his arms, pulling them in close and kissing their foreheads, like he's loved them forever already.

I miss it all. And, at the same time, I feel incredibly grateful to have my babies. I know it's a gift for us to even have children.

Now I know why perfect strangers stop me in my tracks tell me "enjoy it--it all goes so fast." Because now I want to tell all pregnant people, enjoy your birth--you don't get very many moments like that and you might just miss it, even if you don't think you will. And right there I see the cycle of life. The cycle of non-solicited advice. So I am biting my tongue and trying to enjoy every moment I am in ...right here and now.

Vivienne's 1st birthday is Friday, October 28. I can't wait. And, then, a quiet sad part of me is desperate to wait. Part of me doesn't want to let one more moment slip into a frozen as a memory. But, onward we must go. So I say, giddyup.

Homecoming Weekend

Last week on Friday, I took the kids to our High School's Homecoming Parade. I live in the town I grew up in, so it brought back a lot of memories. I was a "pommer" in High School, so I was actually in the parade a few years and remember all the excitement and buzz like yesterday. It was eerie to see how so many things haven't changed. Even the routine the pommers did was the same as when we were in school!

And, get this. I was watching with my two closest friends from High School (one of them was even on the Pom Squad with me). But the weirdness doesn't stop there. This year, my friends and I all had babies. All girls. So we're watching our High School parade, in our hometown, with my High School friends and their daughters. It was like seeing ourselves in baby-form. Unreal.

 (Jodi's daughter- Lyla 3 mos, Andrea's daughter-Aubrey 9 mos, Lauren's daughter- Vivienne 11 mos)

 Barrett (2 years, 4 mos) and Vivienne (1 week shy of being 1 years old) watching the parade start.

 Uh-oh! Those sirens are really loud and scary. Where's my mama?

 Is it weird that I took a picture of the pommers? Is it weird that I wanted to stop them, and explain that I was a pommer too? I felt this strong urge to tell them, "I was just like you! I was young too!" Does that make me old? Don't answer that.

They even had the full HS band. 

I love my hometown. I loved my High School (well, parts of it...I'm just like anyone else who had ups and downs).

I looked around and realized this is it--I am in the midst of raising my family--this is what I've been waiting for, and I'm in love with it all.  

Lately, my house has felt more homey. My town has felt more like my own. I am feeling at peace, settled and grateful for where we live (and I'm getting over the fact that our house has lost a lot of value). I'm excited for my kids to go to the schools here and watch them grow!

Funny, that the whole event is called "Homecoming" because I really felt like I was Coming Home again. 

Sunday Spirituality

Lately, I've been growing spiritually in my life, so I'm going to ear-mark Sundays to share about it. Seems fitting, so I'm going for it.

Here's my big disclaimer-- I get nervous to share about this because I don't want to put a bad taste in anyone's mouth. I know I've had my own experiences of feeling really turned off by people sharing about their beliefs. So, I humbly ask for you to humor me. Everyone has a right to believe whatever they want. I'm not always right. I don't know everything. Trust me, I make mistakes all the time. The thing is, this is my corner of the world to file my life lessons and I simply can't leave these out. So come join me, if you'd like. Even if to just peek in the window of someone else's world.

I was doing my BSF (Bible Study Fellowship) homework this morning, quietly in bed with my little lamp on while the kids were still sleeping. It was dark, cozy and quiet. And I really liked the lesson....because it's all about weaknesses. 

We're learning about Paul, formerly known as Saul who was one of the biggest haters of the church and of Jesus. Paul was chosen by God to be one of his disciples to spread the word of Jesus. I love it because God has a such a sense of humor. I love how he choses the most unlikely people for his work, makes me feel like I actually have a shot!

While Paul was trying to spread the word, he ran into a bit of trouble, to put it lightly. The man was beaten with rods 3 times, received 39 lashes five different times (note, 40 lashes is known to kill a man), he was shipwrecked 3 times and spent a whole night and day in the open sea (hello, worst nightmare). He was on the road constantly, went without food and sleep regularly (hello, bigger nightmare).

But what did he focus on? His weaknesses. He boasted about it in fact (which the Bible never reveals what exactly this "thorn in his flesh" was....sorta got my imagination going a little). Why would anyone highlight their weakness, especially when they have so much to brag about??

Here's why.

2 Corinthians 12: 7-10
"To keep me from being conceited because of these surprisingly great revelations, there was giving me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me, But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weakness, in insults, in hardships, in persecution, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 

Paul considered this problem and weakness a gift so that he could be used for the Lord. I don't know about you, but I certainly have my own problems and I've never looked at them as a good thing--a gift so I can be better used for God. 

It really made me think. I also see just how much I can grow, as I am not close to being there yet! We all have our problems, wouldn't it be cool if we could see them in a different light? See them as part of our humanly experience, something that makes us human, real, loveable? 

Zumba

This week I joined the YMCA with some of my fun mom-friends and discovered 4 things.

1.) I am not in shape.  At least not nearly as much as I thought. Not compared to women twice my age. Humble Pie crumbs all over my face. And, definitely not in terms of weight lifting. I'll just say this: my elbows were soar. Honest.

2.) I love getting my bootie-kicked. Okay, that one I already knew. I love being pushed to the point of feeling your muscles shake. If I'm sweating, laughing, and bending over resting in between reps, I'm happy. Nothing feels as good as the shower after a good work out.

3.) I LOVE ZUMBA. Skeptical at first. Okay, actually, I thought it was a vacuum that went around the floor on it's own. What is that? I think it's actually called a Rumba I think (?). Anyway, it's all dancing. No instructor huffing and puffing into the microphone which screeches with that ringing feedback zing. Just dancing. They do the moves enough over and over, that almost everyone can do it! I'd say everyone, but I'd be lying. I was quite tickled by one of the older women in my class this morning. She was trying so hard, bless her heart!

4.) I can look good at 40-something. These women look fantastic and bring such hope to this 30-something lady. I needed that, thanks! 

With the chilly fall weather upon us, an indoor workout routine is just the ticket! Even some of us might do our own Biggest Loser challenge.

Life lesson? I don't have to feel like working out, I just have to decide I'm going to do it. Teaming up with other people helps. Looking at positive examples of older women, helps....at least I hope it does! This mama wants to shed a few more lbs (how ironic, those are my initials), get toned and feel great in my clothes.

Go Cardinals!!!

I have always been a Chicago girl. Loved the Bulls (when they were winning) love the Cubs (although don't ask me a single trivia question) and I've grown to like the White Sox too (mostly because my girlfriend is a die-hard fan, like actually knows players names, stats, I'm serious).

Now, it looks like I'm also a Cardinals fan.

Who couldn't be when my Mother-in-Law sent the kids such ADORABLE apparel? When I saw my baby girl looking at me in her pink Cards hoodie, I instantly became a fan of the whole team. Let's go Cards (is that what we say?)

Expect me to cheer for Cards this weekend....(unless they lose and then I'll pretend this neeeeever happened)

Call me a fair-weather fan, because I AM! At least I own it.

Photo Anxiety

This may make me sound old, but sometimes I miss the good ole' days. When you wanted to take a picture, you pulled out a roll of film and took a picture. A month later, pick up the photos (maybe spring for doubles), framed some, put the good ones in a scrap book and tossed  the horrible ones. Aaaaand, you were done.

Now 'a' days. When I want to take a picture, I can use my iPhone, Facebook, my "good" camera or my "small" digital camera. Some make it to the Kodak Gallery archives, others go straight to Facebook or my blog. Most are sitting on my iPhone. I don't have a good system.

I credit this to the digital camera. Let's say you take a pic at the restaurant with your friends. Now, six girls have to "OK" the picture. After about five more takes, the picture then gets approval to be uploaded to Facebook and tagged and tweeted and blogged and the ENTIRE world sees this picture in a matter of moments. Comments, "likes," and if you're someone who checks Facebook only while nursing, you feel like you're actually at the party, but luckily you're not, because you're half-asleep nursing. 

But you know who doesn't see this picture? My scrapbook. I haven't printed pictures in forever. It's not the biggest deal, but with kids I feel this monumental pressure to document and preserve. I'm trying to fill a 12-month frame for Vivienne's room as her birthday approaches and I realized, I have no pictures of this girl printed. None!

What if I die? Will this girl have my password to Kodak to print her own pictures? I know John doesn't do this stuff. This is not acceptable. A proper photo book must be created STAT.

Luckily Kodak Gallery lets you download from Facebook...so I'm culling everything together, but I just had to share. Guess my life lesson for myself here is that facing my anxiety on this is actually making me feel better. I'm going to get this picture mess under control.......at least for today!

Foggy Nights

This weekend I turned on Vivienne's humidifier on high. Doesn't sound like much of a story, but oh, it was.

Like most good tales, it all began in the middle of the night.  Vivienne woke up with a little dry cough, so I rocked her for a while thought about half-dreamy-half-normal things. You know, like when you start thinking about what you have to do the next day and somehow Mickey Mouse is narrating your plans, or it turns into a song that you hear over and over from one of your kids toys. Yes, we watch too much Disney. Guilty. 

So, my genius half-dream plan was to crank the humidifier on high. I sat and watched as the steam poured out and seemed like a quiet fog rolling in over the SF Bay. It was so relaxing. I fell even deeper into a definite 3/4 sleep while I continued rocking. Laid my sleepy dumpling down, closed the door and went back to bed.

To my delight, Vivienne slept in (not Barrett who woke up like a pop-tart out of the toaster at 6:00 A.M. on the button. But hey, I'll take what I can get). So around 7:30 I heard her talking to herself and I went up to see how it went.

I opened the door and I-kid-you-not, I could not see one INCH in front of my face. I started to panic. The fog was as thick as smoke. I questioned if the room was on fire for a moment. I started to wave my hands furiously as I made my way to the crib. As I got closer, I felt my socks instantly soak up water and heard the squish, squish sound.

I saw Vivienne standing up holding onto the bars, smiling showing her two big front teeth. Instantly I was relieved and joyful. Then it hit me. I looked around and EVERYTHING WAS WET. I'm serious, her crib was soaking wet, there was standing water on her furniture, her blankets were wet, her pj's were wet, her changing table was wet....e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g was WET and smelled like mildew. Glorious.

And wouldn't you know it, John wasn't home. I was almost more mad that there wasn't someone to witness this weird phenomenon! I wanted proof that I wasn't being dramatic. But, it makes for a good story.

And another good life lesson to add to my list. Too much of a good thing, is often too much of a good thing! Oh, and, don't make big decisions when you're half (or three-quarters) dreaming and thinking.

DIY Birthday Invitations

This isn't a great picture, but I wanted to share the birthday invitation I made for Vivienne's 1st Birthday! I must admit it took me a while, but I'm not that crafty and I actually thought it was super easy, so I know anyone can do it. Plus, if you have the simple supplies, it shouldn't be too expensive.

Supplies: (All can be purchased at Michael's or your local craft store)
-- Circle cutter
-- Lollipop sticks
-- Card Stock paper
-- Background colorful paper
-- Ribbon (optional)
-- Hot glue gun (optional-- you can also just use tape, although I found the glue to look cleaner)

Directions:
-- Print invitation on card stock (I used Word Doc and made a shaped border with the dots)
-- Use Circle Cutter to cut circles for invite and background
-- Glue the invite together, glue the stick to the back, (hint, use a tiny dab of glue behind the ribbon to help it stick)
-- You're done! See? So easy!

Anyone else out there have fun DIY crafts for Birthday Parties? Or fun stuff? Let me know!

Does Your Child Have the Selfish Gene?

This headline jumped out at me in today's Wall Street Journal. I stopped. Looked. Held my breath.  And squinted one eye as I started reading thinking," Boy, I hope not!"

The article was highlighting findings from a study which showed that kids are more altruistic than adults generally think. Overall, good news!

The study: Researchers took 136 children (ages 3 and 4 years old) in an Israeli playroom which doubled as a social-science playroom. The children were given six sets of stickers and then were given the choice to keep them all, or give some to an unknown child who didn't have any stickers.

What happened? About two-thirds of the kids gave up one or more sets of stickers for another kid they didn't know. (Hooray for good choices!) There was no difference between boys and girls.

What's interesting? The kids who refused to share their stickers all had something in common. A variation in a gene called AVPRI1A, that regulates a hormone in the brain associated with social behaviors.

What to do as a Parent? Nancy Eisenberg, an editor of the handbook an Arizona State University psychology professor says "If parents think that generosity isn't possible at age 2, they won't try to encourage it."  And I say, amen to that sistah!!!

Other tips, paraphrased by Wall Street Journal's Kevin Helliker

• Encourage your child to share, they'll be more likely to help and share in the future as long as they don't initially feel forced
• Heighten empathy by pointing out how other people might feel (ex, "That woman is tired because her back hurts her.") 
• Offer praise for goodness rather than rewards like money or candy
• Point out consequences for bad behavior (ex, "Oh no, Jane is crying because she wants the toy)
• Model good behavior

Bottom Line: If your child doesn't share, that doesn't mean that's just the way they are and they'll never learn to share. It's interesting to think there could be something genetic with sharing (I for one, am still not a great share-r), but all in all--it's our job as parents to show and teach our kids how to share. And, contrary to what I've said myself at playdates, it can start a lot younger than we think!!

Personally as a mom, I know I have my work cut out for me! 

October Adventures (lots of pics)

Apple picking at Apple Holler in Wisconsin (Barrett almost 2.5, Vivienne almost 1, John almost 33, me just 30)

 Me and my little "Bear Man"....love him!

(Below) Me, Vivienne, Aubrey and Andrea ... and no we didn't mean to do matching Polo Pink. Our girls looked like twins, seriously even Facebook couldn't tell them apart. Side note: Andrea and I have been friends since High School and have gone through so many stages of life together. It's hard for me sometimes to take in the fact that we have daughters 2 months apart....like how did that ACTUALLY happen!?! I don't know, but it's been beyond fun. So lucky!

See? In this pic, even as the mom, I have to pause to pick out which one is Vivienne (far right) and which is Aubrey (far left).

 Barrett & Vivienne eating apples....they were DE-LISH!!! Seriously, I've never tasted apples this sweet with a little kick almost

 Vivienne putting her 6 teeth to use here....(As her mom, I feel the need to point out that on the far left, that's apple, not a molar!)

 Brunch with the gang at Orange celebrating my friend Kelley's birthday ...Barrett looks happy, huh? These gals are my Beth Moore Bible Study sisters....love them! Cherish my friendship with these ladies.

Apple picking and brunch and a birthday party....oh my! Well, it doesn't sound like that much when I write it out, but John and I are utterly wiped out. It feels like we've been running a parenting bonanza weekend! We are just trying to soak up every second of this gorgeous October. I feel like it's all in celebration for my baby girls birthday on the 28th!!!! Birthday Month!!!! 

This weekend it was in the 80s. And, you may not believe it, but I almost was annoyed. Yes. You can remind me of that when I'm complaining about the 8th straight month of winter here in Chicago. I'm just so ready for cozy sweaters, hats, the smell of leaves, cuddling under piles of blankets. Plus, I packed up all our summer clothes and we're running a fall/winter-only wardrobe right now, so it gave me an added opportunity for creativity when dressing all of us.  

Mommy Time

What do you do with your mommy time?

I have learned through motherhood to appreciate the plainest, simplest, quietest things. Like what? Well, I will admit, I have found pleasure staring at a wall, going to the dentist, sorting the mail, paying bills online, working out with a DVD in my basement, working out in general, the sound of pure silence, the feeling of not having to bend over to pick someone up, doing my Bible study homework, checking email, shopping online (okay that's always been fun), but the point is, some of the stuff that I used to dread....I now look forward to doing.

What do I not do during my mommy time? Laundry, dishwasher, mail, organizing mail, showering, answering telemarketers calls **unless I'm putting myself on the 'do not call during NAP TIME are you out of your mind' list** and facebook (I use my iPhone while I'm nursing still for my beloved facebook...which...totally random but I "friended" Mark Zuckerberg....did you? After watching the Social Network, I felt like we really were friends. Apparently, he's still deciding as he hasn't accepted my request.).

Anyway, the reason I don't do these things during my mommy time is because all can be done while the kiddos are awake.

Don't get me wrong. I cherish my time with my kids. I love watching their mouths while they try to communicate. Their eyes light up when they laugh and understand me. I can't get enough of Vivienne when she wrinkles her nose and turns her head in a bashful, yet playful, tilt. Barrett does this funny thing when he gets self conscious where he opens his mouth really, really wide and looks around the room. You have to see it. Seriously.

But, part of what keeps me going is getting a break from my kids. Getting the opportunity to miss them. When I get a babysitter some days to go into the office, I love the feeling when I walk in the door and Barrett runs to me and says, "Mommy home." And rests his small head on my shoulder like he's missed me all his life.

When they get up from a nap, I feel excited to go get them, it's just so nice. Anyway, as my kids are in bed for the night, I'm already missing them and at the same time I'm enjoying my mommy time. Going to hang with John as we speak!

Bible Study Fellowship

Bible Study Fellowship (BSF) has been a part of my life for a long time. In a way, it's almost been my secret other life. I tend to be pretty private about my faith. I have been so turned off by people talking about God, that I have taken to the side of not saying anything and I'm trying to find more of a balance.

So here it is, my other life as a Christian.

The thing is, I've gained so much peace from connecting to God. I believe everyone has a right to follow what they believe. I don't want to push my beliefs on anyone and I don't want to sound like a know-it-all. I don't know it all. I'll be the first to tell you.

I may not even be right. But, I've come to realize, that doesn't even matter to me. The feeling of love, peace, power and joy that I get when I'm reading about God, talking with him or learning--makes it all worthwhile to me. There's nothing quite like it, it just makes me feel like everything doesn't matter, and everything is going to be okay.

I recently got an email from a reader and she expressed her excitement in finding out that I was doing BSF, Beth Moore, and other stuff with church. It was so meaningful to me to read her words of encouragement. It felt like a wink from God.

I'm not perfect. I fall short all the time. I forget to pray.  Say swear-words in front of my kids. Consider giving up my dogs at times. I like unwinding with a glass of wine. I want worldly things, bigger, better. I talk about myself too much. But, at the end of the day, I feel peace knowing that I'm forgiven, loved and that I personally matter to God. 

In BSF this year we're studying the book of Acts. And it talks about how Jesus spent a lot of time training his disciples before returning to heaven. I forgot that part of the story. Anyway, when he went up to heaven, he was taken in a cloud. The Bible promises that when he returns, he will come back the same way.

I haven't been able to look at clouds the same since. Just a thought for you too, as you enjoy the gorgeous fall sky this October.

Just wanted to share. Hope y'all don't mind.

My October Pumpkin

It's October! 

I couldn't be more excited as it's my lil' pumpkin's birthday month. October 28. I've always loved October, but now I love it in a whole new way! We're celebrating the whole month with fun activities. This weekend we went to Didier Farms in Bufflao Grove, IL. They have pumpkins, donuts, carnival rides, camels, tigers and ponies the kids can ride. It was so fun. Next weekend, I think we're going to attempt going apple picking.

It's funny, all year I've been playing the "Birthday on the Clock" celebration. It's when you see the date as a time, so for Vivienne it's 10:28 on the clock and I think, "It's her birthday on the clock!" It's something my mom taught me to get excited about when it was 9:21 on the clock for my birthday. A mini celebration every day, sometimes twice a day. Try it for your birthday! It's fun. To think, last year I was so pregnant...and almost in labor with my little darlin. 

Here's Barrett & Vivienne .... it's so fun watching them start to play and interact with each other. I'm in love with them both in such different ways. So much so, that John and I had a pretty serious talk about stopping here, and not having a third child. Maybe it was the advice I received in the grocery store this weekend, or that I had food poisoning/stomach flu(?) and am still recovering and exhausted, but it sort of feels nice with two kids, one of each, and it's starting to get easy. We're not making any major decisions yet, but I think I'm getting settled in the idea of just having 2 kids. And, that idea just makes me even more sad thinking of my baby turning 1. I'm feeling very emotional about it, shocker.

Seeing my niece Stella get baptised this weekend and her tiny body, also made me miss my own small babies.

I love that they're getting older, and yearn for the past. I guess that's just life. Missing the past, looking forward to the future and just trying to enjoy the beautiful moments of right now as much as humanly possible.

If any of you out there have any ideas, input, thoughts, on having a third child, I'm all ears. :)