8th Anniversary

Today, August 31, 2011, is John and my 8th wedding anniversary. Eight is great, but honestly nothing too eventful with two little ones and a crazy schedule!

I watched my wedding video this afternoon. Looking through pictures I am finding that I have one thought (and I know John agrees): I wish I could get married again. Oh--you know what I mean. Same guy, new party. Weddings are so much fun. There really isn't any other celebration quite like it. I remember thinking when we had a baby that it would be similar celebration. EE-wrong. Then, I thought maybe when we had a baptism. EE-wrong. Moving houses, whaterver, you name it. Nothing's like a wedding.

The biggest party ever with all the people you want there, surrounding you with love. Ideally, anyway.

Now, the thing about weddings is that they are like anything else on this earth: they are not perfect. There's always something you would have done differently, done better, avoided. That's the learning part of life. I'm no exception to that one.

The most painful part of watching my wedding video is seeing the faces that have faded in my life. My friendship ended with four of my bridesmaids shortly after my wedding. It is still sad for me, some 8 years later. Challenging to look at mistakes I've made. Upsetting to lose people and to realize people can simply go on living and being happy without you.

But, as painful as it was, it was an opportunity for me to look at myself, really look at myself, to see what was great and what needed some work. I've grown and I believe I wouldn't be the same without having that experience.

Just like in life, we can't always choose how things happen to us, but we can trust that we are people that matter, people that are loved by God, that have a purpose on this earth. We can choose to learn and grow. Even though we know growing pains can be both physically and mentally painful.

With all my life lessons I've had over the last near decade, one thing stands out to me. I am ever so grateful to have a man that stands by my side. Holds my hair while I cry, holds my hand when I am scared and smiles at me in this way that says "I know who you are, just who you are. And, I still love you." I sometimes think John was put in my life to give me a taste of the divine, forgiving, endless, inexplicable and strong love that God has for us.

And, that gives me the courage to watch my wedding video -- mistakes, painful mixed emotions an all--just to see that look he gives me when we made our lives blend together into one family.

Happy Anniversary my darling, beloved John.